Lego & Well, Memories...

Mommy and Daddy got me a Diary for me to write things just for myself. It has a picture of a daisy on it and it has different coloured paper. Blue, yellow, pink, and purple. All the pages smell so very pretty just like flowers or Mommy’s perfume. Today I am writing in this diary for the first time. Things that no one can see because my diary has a lock and key and is All Mine and All Mine Alone. For my Private Thoughts Mommy said. Today I will write about Jessica and school.

Jessica used to be my best friend. But she does not invite me for sleepovers or to play with her special lego anymore. Mine is plain lego. Jessica’s is pink and purple. I miss Jessica. And I miss playing with her lego. Maybe if I am Good, Mommy will get me some of my own. Jessica has a new best friend. She is the New Girl. Her name is Amber. I wish I had her name. Mommy has special jewellery that she says is Amber. A necklace and earrings. She says one day when I am more Grown Up I can have them. Mommy says Amber is made with tree tears. And that it is very magical. I wish my name was Amber. Then I could be magical too.

Amber’s hair is so beautiful. It is a unique colour. That is a new word I have learnt. Unique. It means different and special. Not like mine that looks like a dirty colour. Jessica says Amber’s hair is Strawberry Blonde. I don’t know why Jessica doesn’t want to be my best friend anymore. Maybe because Amber is prettier than me. Daddy says I am the Most Beautiful Girl in the World. But I think he is just being nice. I think it is a lie. If it were true, Jessica would still be my best friend. Maybe because her name is so different and mine is so plain. Amy is not as special as Amber.

I am in the Bear’s class with Miss Nancy. Next year I will be in the Giraffe’s class with Miss Gloria. I will miss Miss West but Miss Gloria is a very nice lady. I wonder if I am still a baby because I cry sometimes when Mommy drops me off at school. I watch her go from the big window and I feel sad. I want to climb up and hide in the Disappearing Tree in the playground. That is my secret place I go when Jessica and Amber say things to me that make me feel bad inside.

Yesterday they caught me in the Teachers Toilet. I don’t like our toilets because they do not have a proper door with a lock. Sometimes the boys surprise me and tease me and I feel bad and want to go up into the Disappearing Tree. But I can’t because the bell has rung and it is time for class. Amber and Jessica say they will tell on me if I try and use the Teachers Toilet again but I am scared of the boys catching me. So I tried to hold it in. But I wet my panties. When I got home to my Nana’s where I stay for the afternoon, I did not want her to know. So I washed my panties in the basin and hung them to dry where she wouldn’t find them.

If I wet my panties, maybe I am still a baby. But I want to be more Grown Up so that I am ready for the Giraffe’s class. I go to her bedroom to cry because if my Nana sees she will think I am a baby. Her dog, Bojangles, finds me. He has a Unique Trick and can untie my shoelaces when he is excited and happy to see me. When he licks my face, I always stop crying and laugh. Maybe he can be my new Best Friend. With Raspberry. Raspberry is my secret best friend. Only Mommy and Daddy know about Raspberry. She is a purple kangaroo and her favourite food is raspberries. Raspberry would never leave me for the New Girl or say things that make me feel bad inside. She is All Mine. Not even Jessica knows about Raspberry. She would say I am a baby to have an Invisible Friend. But I don’t care. Mommy and Daddy say it is Just Fine. Mommy even baked a purple cake when it was Raspberry’s birthday because that is Raspberry’s Favourite Colour. My Favourite Colour is Green.

I don’t know what I will do at school. I don’t want to get into trouble with Miss West for using the Teachers Toilet but I still do not want to use our toilets because they are not Private. And I am still a baby and cannot just hold it in. If only I could stay in the Disappearing Tree forever. Mommy has been reading me stories every night about a Magic Faraway Tree. I wish we had one of those. It is so lovely and the children who play in it are all so happy and nice to each other.

I like insects a lot. They are always nice to me. I have pet snails at home. Mommy got me my own paint set and I put little dots on each of them in different colours so that I can know them by name. I write stories about them. I would like to be the youngest writer ever One Day, when I am in the Giraffe’s class. And then maybe Jessica will want to be my friend again. When I am Famous. Then it won’t matter that I am not as pretty as Amber. And that my hair is not Strawberry Blonde. And that I am not named after the magical tears of trees. Then we will play with Jessica’s special lego again.

One Day. One Day. I promise I will be Famous. Then Amber will wish she was me. Amber will want to be my very Best Friend. And maybe Jessica and I will let her play with the special lego too. If she is nice to me. And I will never need the Disappearing Tree ever again. And I won’t cry or wet my panties like a baby. And I will be a Big Girl in the Giraffe’s class and I will have my picture on the front page of the newspaper for being the youngest author in History. And Jessica will say she is so very sorry and pretty please can she be my best friend again. And I will say, let me think about it. And then I will laugh and laugh and laugh and be happy again. And they will never tattle on me if I use the Teachers Toilets. I will be like Cinderella, happily ever after. Forever and forever. Amen. Love Amy.

Still Life STudy by Gunja Bhatt